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A homeowner, she has worked on four renovations in the past 16 years and troubleshot major repairs caused by floods, lightning, and plumbing problems. You know a good relationship takes a lot of hard work, and, despite that, infidelities still occur. But when it comes to stopping an affair from happening, or even surviving the aftermath, you feel like breaking his or her cheating heart You're no idiot, of course.

But when it comes to stopping an affair from happening, or even surviving the aftermath, you feel like breaking his or her cheating heart. What Makes Us Affair Prone? Secrets to AffairProof Love. Paying Attention to Your Love. Knowing Where No Is. It is a good overall book to read to remind ourselves of our own or spouse's behavior to watch out for before disasters strike. Carlos Rincon rated it really liked it May 03, Joe rated it it was amazing Nov 09, Tinjin Chang rated it really liked it May 12, Tayler rated it really liked it Nov 30, Matt added it Apr 26, Anniedel marked it as to-read Jan 18, Trish marked it as to-read Nov 28, There are no discussion topics on this book yet.

Books by Lana Staheli. Trivia About "Affair-Proof" Yo No trivia or quizzes yet. There are two steps to rebuilding trust after infidelity.

The Definitive Guide To Infidelity (And How To Affair-Proof Your Marriage)

Time heals all wounds, right? If a couple who has suffered through infidelity does not properly recover and heal from it, time only makes the scar more visible. The wound may even reopen now and then. But if a couple uses time smartly, it can soothe the pain and the scar can begin to fade. For that reason, a spouse who has cheated on his or her partner must be fully transparent in the days, weeks and months after infidelity. Transparency, in terms of behavior, implies complete honesty, openness and accessibility.

Natalie Stevens (Author of Affair Proof - The Complete Guide)

There can be no unexplained absences from the home, no private passwords for computers or smartphones, no whispered phone calls, no texting in the next room, no significant expenditures that cannot be accounted for. Some spouses may be OK with private passwords, others may not. Some may wish to randomly check up on a partner, others may not. When a betrayed spouse is trying to regain trust in a partner, it is essential for the partner who cheated to have patience and humility. You need to get over it and stop snooping through my phone! It also feels as though he or she is shifting the problem onto the betrayed spouse, while too quickly absolving himself or herself of blame.

When deciding on the terms of transparency — that is, how open must a spouse be?

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A betrayed spouse should put some thought into this, so that his or her expectations are realistic and workable, yet comprehensive enough to provide the reassurance that he or she needs from the other spouse. It is also essential that the negative feelings, memories and experiences that surround the infidelity be replaced with positive feelings, memories and experiences.

Rebuilding trust is an active, collaborative process.

A commitment to work on the marriage is certainly a positive step. Endeavoring to learn what made the relationship vulnerable to infidelity is important, as is a desire to create a marriage that is happier and healthier than ever before. But the little things count, too. Small or spontaneous romantic gestures — whether flowers, a gift or a weekend getaway — may be welcome. Unexpected texts, phone calls or love notes might help, as may an increase in family time, affection, sincere compliments and sharing of chores.

Building An Affair Proof Marriage : His Needs Her Needs

It seems that no matter what he or she tries, it falls on deaf ears or — even worse — comes across as insincere and provokes, rather than pleases, the spouse. This approach eliminates guesswork on the part of the other partner, and can avoid unnecessary conflict.

"Affair-Proof" Your Marriage: Understanding, Preventing and Surviving an Affair

The Reasons for Infidelity. If a person is not getting what they need from the marriage, they may go outside the marriage to have their need s met. This does not excuse infidelity. There is no excuse for it. But there may be an explanation that can help couples understand why it happened.

Trying to figure out why a spouse cheated can be a confusing, gut-wrenching process. There are three questions that, although simple and broad, can help bring some initial focus and structure to the process. After all, you need to start somewhere. The first question is: What complaints has my partner expressed about our marriage? It is meant to help a betrayed spouse discover why his or her partner turned outside the marriage.

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The second question is: Was this an emotional affair, a physical affair or both? It is a stereotype that men usually have physical affairs while women usually have emotional affairs. The truth is, both sexes have both types of affairs. And both can be very difficult to get past. An emotional affair can be particularly challenging to overcome if the cheating spouse feels that he or she is truly in love with the other person. Nonetheless, the distinction between an emotional and physical affair is important to make, as it may lend insight into what was missing from the marriage.

The third question is: What was so appealing to my spouse about that situation? The affair may have had little to do with physical attraction, true love or natural compatibility. It may have had more to do with how the other person, and the entire situation, made him or her feel. The focus is brought back onto the marriage, and the Other Man or Other Woman becomes powerless and inconsequential.